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Thursday, July 06, 2006

It's goodbye from me.

Well...like all good ideas I've had - trading my playstation 1 for Danny's acoustic guitar (never learnt one song because the first nine pages of the book were missing), trading my leather beanbags for a CD (which I never listened too) and so on...I don't feel I can continue to update this blogsite. I don't really have anything else to say and I don't want to try and be funny and just sound lame. As Kurt Cobain said - it's better to burn out than fade away. Over and out. Last post ever. Tear.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

He's back!.


All I can say is two things - a) you have to see it and b) this man would be proud.


Friday, June 30, 2006

What would it be like to only have one premiership?.

I come back from my week long grueling country trip :) only to find shit like this deposited into my inbox.

http://www.heraldsun.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5478,19633902%255E20322,00.html

The reason we don't have to play interstate is because we actually have supporters and we've one more than 1 premiership EVER. I'm moving the Western Bulldogs to number 1 on my most hated football teams list infront of Collingwood and Essendon. Get a clue.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

There will be no encores...

There will be no site updates for a week as I'm on a country trip for work. I'm going to Horsham. Yeh!. Woo Hoo!...I can picture it now...the excitement, the thrills...

Friday, June 23, 2006

Fed Square.

Wow...what a night...Federation Square for the Soccer last night at 4am. Here are some photo's. In order:

1. Police trying to control the crowd.
2. The flares going off watching the game and;
3. Some randoms posing for the Herald Sun because I told them I'm a journo and they'd make the front page. Fish in a barrel.














Thursday, June 22, 2006

Socceroos!.

Even though soccer sucks ass compared to AFL - I'll be at Federation Square at 5am for Australia v Croatia tomorrow morning. I imagine I'll be freezing my nips off.



Stay Classy :)

Fuck the Police.


Is that Melton I see in the background?.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Strangers with Candy.

Just when I thought Superman Returns was going to rock my world and be the best film ever, along comes this:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0369994/

Emma Lewis - get excited!.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Carlton's loss to West Coast.


As many of you would know - I'm a proud Carlton supporter. I was there in the good times and I'm still there in the bad times. I go to the matches, I watch the games and I'm shattered that we ultimately lost yesterday but happy that we tried and tried so well. One thing to note - a lot of people have been putting shit on Anthony Koutafides for his game yesterday. Kouta is coming to the end of his career, he's been a great captain and champion of the club. Not all great players get the chance to go out on top - Kouta's not there to get 30 possessions a week anymore - although he did win the Best and Fairest last year which was an astounding effort even in a wooden spoon team. His body simply won't allow it (he can hardly run because of his knee injuries) - he is there to teach our young players the game so they can hopefully play it as well he did in his prime. Don't knock Kouta - he's been a hero to many - and if need a reminder of that re-watch the 1995 Grand Final or the 1 point victory over Essendon in the 1999 Preliminary Final.

And and also - here's something to lift the spirits of all the Carlton supporters out there. See if you can work out what these numbers mean.

Carlton 16
Essendon 16
Collingwood 14
Melbourne 12
Richmond 10
Hawthorn 9
Fitzroy 8
Geelong 6
N.Melb/K'roos 4
Sth Melb/Sydney 4
Brisbane Lions 3
West Coast 2
Adelaide 2
Footscray/W.B. 1
St Kilda 1
Port Adelaide 1
Fremantle 0

That's right - Premierships.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Table Tennis.

Last night I invited some friends over for a casual night of table tennis. I'd been practising all week on my girlfriend (the table tennis that is!) and I'd started to believe that I was pretty good. Although not classically trained by asian masters (see photo of Chun Yuk Suk the President of the Korean Table Tennis Association below) I thought I'd developed a Western Society adequacy.



Boy was I was wrong. Last night I saw Danny's fiance Daniella embarass two grown men. My compliments go out to her. All in all it was a great night - Daniella leads Danny 4-3 in head to head competition - I sense a great rivalry growing. Viva La Table Tennis!.

Speaking of table tennis - here's what you get when you google it!. Enjoy!.


Sunday, June 04, 2006

Cooder and the Carnies.

On Friday night myself and Amy went to the movies to see X-Men 3. It was a pretty good movie but just not the end of the Trilogy that I wanted (See Blade 3 for example). However, the real entertainment on the night came in the form of some "carnies" sitting next to us.

I usually don't get too angry at people who are talking in a cinema until someone (like Danny Lewis) points it out to me and then it annoys the fuck out of me. There have been 2 famous cinema talking incidents that come to mind:

1. Me telling two 16 year olds "If you two fuckheads don't shut the fuck up" (quote) whilst they talked through the re-release of Empire Strikes Back a few years ago (no one ruins Empire, no one) and;

2. Danny telling a grown man in front of his kids to shut-up during Gladiator (after numerous shhh's) and then being don't by that man "shut-up or I'll dot you" back (I still don't know what "dot" means but it sounds bad and was quite effective).

Anyways...back to the point...on Friday I'd secured two free passes to Hoyts La Premiere. Basically for the povo's out there it's high class movie going. It's like the Big Brother rewards room of movie going. You have a chill-out pre-movie pre-snack bar arrangement where you can watch TV, eat as much pop-corn as you can and drink as much softdrink as you can before going into the movie.

When we in the line for the free softdrink re-fills the "couple" behind us starting get on my nerves. The girl (aka Slutface) commented - "Let's get two drinks - they're free". The guy (aka Cooder) said "Stop it baby, your embarrasing me". She then said "Next time I'll bring a bucket". Anyways, I had a laugh - thought internally how glad I am that I'm not them and went in to the movie. You guessed it - they were sitting next to us.

Loaded to the shithouse with free drink and pop-corn the movie was barely started before Cooder had to leave at fill up on more pop-corn while Slutface demolised the free purse of snack treats. When Cooder came back she decided that she'd get up in the middle of the movie and go to Bi-Lo and get a strawberry Fruiche. Hey - when the moment takes you...

Cooder and Slutface continued to talk enlessly during the movie. All the sub-plot and comic book references sailed well above their dull lifeless foreskulls. I've never know anymore russle a Bi-Lo plastic shopping bag so loudly that it actually drowns out the movie. All this was annoying - but the final cherry came 3/4 into the movie.

Not content with the comfortable chairs in the La Fuckyourselfpublic section Cooder decided to slip his Dunlop Volley's off and air the old dog's off in public. Hey, I'm a reasonable man - I've been known to slip my shoes off at the movies before to give the old toes a stretch. Cooder, however raised it up a notch - slipping not only the volley's off but his socks to match. He then proceeded to hoist his flakey, stinking skin satchels onto the rail in front of us.

Ladies and Gentlemen - I plead with you - reverse the anti-gun laws if need be.

Be-ware the Carnie folk - they are a danger in today's society. If by some miracle you have power in the house your squatting in Cooder and you can fumble your way around a computer and found this webpage I say...here's to you...sucking my dick!. Photo of potential couple:

Monday, May 29, 2006

My top 5 football incidents.

Tonight I present to you - my top 5 favorite football moments in order. All true.

Number 5 - Carlton v Collinwood - Mid 90's.

My friend Ben and I were in the top level of the Ponsford Stand. Collingwood were beating us and anger in the pro-Carlton crowd was gathering momentum. On the bottom level the Collingwood cheer squad was in fine voice. A guy behind us (unannounced) took his aggression out on a poor unsuspecting orange and spectator. Pulp can really fly. That's right. He launched a full orange from the top deck to the lower deck. That baby sailed, boy did it sail - and it hit an old lady with white hair square in the head. We all panicked and then....laughed our asses off for the true beauty of this mans conquest lay in a slow reveal. Once the lady gathered her faculties back together and stood back up the entire top level could see a massive orange mark in her hair and burst out laughing. Ahh good times. Funniest home videos $50,000 right there.

Number 4 - Carlton v Adelaide 1992.

Luke O'Sullivan 4 goals. The Rhino. A close victory. Don't go on the ground before the second siren for fucks sake. But hey - we won by a couple of points. Ben and I waiting for that siren were convinced the whole crowd would invade the pitch. The siren went and I took off. Ben faked me and I soon realised I was the only person on the ground running towards the centre square besides the players. I was in better nick then but still not the fastest runner. Security bolted after me but I learnt something that day - fear makes you run quicker. I was flying. Until...a security guard took me down with a roundhouse punch to the jaw. I fell like a sack of shit. So much so that a couple of players who I can't remeber due to the concusion yelled at the security guy to leave me alone. Best day ever (from what I remember). My jaw still clicks occasionally when I eat solids but it was worth it.

Number 3 - Inside Football

Stephen "SOS" Silvangi occasionally got moved to the forward line in the mid 90's if we were getting an ass kicking. On one fine day he got moved to full forward against Hawthorn. He ended up kicking 8 goals that day. That's not what makes that day great - not what it's remembered for. It's remembered for the fact that when they took the photo of him after the game I got my head in the photo and it made the cover of "Inside Football". I was so excited - until I realised not all of my massive melon made it on the cover - only my hair - which in the mid 90's had some massive hair spray going on (I've since moved to gel). I didn't keep the cover shoot - Silvangi probably did - but I bet he still wonders - whose the guy with hair.

Number 2 - Yougurt Pre-Season Carlton v Melbourne

My friend Ben and I were such footyheads we use to attend pre-season matches at Carton. One fine Saturday we went along to watch Carlton v Melbourne. Times were tough then - it wasn't like today when you afford hotdogs for $8.50 a pop. We had to take our own lunch. I took 2 sandwiches and a yogurt that day. Come half time I launched into the sandwiches leaving my yogurt on the ground unopened. I rested my foot on top of it whilst I ate my sandwich. Ben the idiot seeing this put his foot on mine and squashed the yogurt under my foot. It launched out of it's container and covered the guy in front of us. He had so much yogurt on him you could actually make out individual chunks of rasberry. It looked like a german porno scene. He turned around, ready to kick the shit out of us, and we bolted. We missed half the game - small price to pay for the smiting.

Number 1 - Carlton v Fitzroy. My lowest ebb.

Carlton v Fitzroy (google them) mid early 90's. I had some old Fitzroy supporters right in front of me. They gave it to me all day and for every comment I made they had a witty retort. Towards the end of the game I lost control and punched a Fitzroy supporter in the mouth. I'd have enough of the constant tormenting and flipped my usually conservative lid!. Doesn't sound that bad?. It was a lady. But hey - the bitch asked for it.

Peace out.

Blind Faith.


JUDITH by A Perfect Circle
You're such an inspiration for the ways
That I'll never ever choose to be
Oh so many ways for me to show you
How the savior has abandoned you
Fuck your God
Your Lord and your Christ
He did this
Took all you had and
Left you this way
Still you pray, you never stray
Never taste of the fruit
You never thought to question why
It's not like you killed someone
It's not like you drove a hateful spear into his side
Praise the one who left you
Broken down and paralyzed
He did it all for you
He did it all for you
Oh so many many ways for me to show you
How your dogma has abandoned you
Pray to your Christ, to your god
Never taste of the fruit
Never stray, never break
Never---choke on a lie
Even though he's the one who did this to you
You never thought to question why
Not like you killed someone
It's Not like you drove a spiteful spear into his side
Talk to Jesus Christ As if he knows the reasons why
He did it all for you
Did it all for you
He did it all for you..

The lead singer's mother - Judith Marie Keenan - spent the last 27 years of her life in a wheelchair partially paralysed by a stroke. Instead of turning her back on god - the stroke only strengthened her belief in god. It's something her son couldn't comprehend. He saw her actions as blind faith and further questions her blind belief in a vengeful god. It's something I really relate too and continues to grow in significance.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Anthony as a baby.

My friend Anthony (last name withheld) is a breastman. Basically, he loves tits. Hey - who doesn't?. Here's some exclusive video footage of him as a youngster. Enjoy.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/nipplebaby.html

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Writer's block and Guns n' Roses?.

As I suffer a massive case of writer's block because I used all my good shit up in the first frenzied hours of creating this site I'm only able to provide some links today.

I find myself wondering - am I the only one who still gives a fuck about the new Guns n' Roses album that's been on the cards for the last 13 years. Talk about writers block.

Spin magazine circa 2001 said it best when they said what the world needs now is Axl Rose. So today I present him - in an acoustic show recorded a few days ago.

Now what did I do with my white spandex bikepants...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCKi_SM84MU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gC-NtwKcWaM

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Look-a-like Snap Poll

Over the years my friend Danny Lewis has been compared to many A-Grade Celebrities in appearace. In Torquay one New Years Eve someone thought he was Scott Weiland from Stone Temple Pilots/Velvet Revolver fame and asked him to belt out some lines to Plush. Danny, naturally a born entertainer, responded and made the young fans day.

Except from Plush:

Where ya going for tommorrow?
Where ya going with that mask I found?
And I feel, and I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?

On closer inspection I think he bears a resemblence to the slightly lesser A-Grade Seth Green from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

To finish the list some have compared to him to our own Boy From Oz - Hugh Jackman.

Tonight I put it to the test. Please cast your votes via e-mail and put my mind at rest - if "Oz" from Buffy - the half man and half werewolf had his own spin-off show would Danny have been able to pull off a secondary role as a stand-in?.

Here's Danny:


Option A) Hugh Jackman minus Wolferine Gear.


Option B) Seth Green (possibly high in this photo).


Option C) Scott Weiland - almost definetly high in this photo.



Let the votes roll in!.

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