Sunday, June 04, 2006

Cooder and the Carnies.

On Friday night myself and Amy went to the movies to see X-Men 3. It was a pretty good movie but just not the end of the Trilogy that I wanted (See Blade 3 for example). However, the real entertainment on the night came in the form of some "carnies" sitting next to us.

I usually don't get too angry at people who are talking in a cinema until someone (like Danny Lewis) points it out to me and then it annoys the fuck out of me. There have been 2 famous cinema talking incidents that come to mind:

1. Me telling two 16 year olds "If you two fuckheads don't shut the fuck up" (quote) whilst they talked through the re-release of Empire Strikes Back a few years ago (no one ruins Empire, no one) and;

2. Danny telling a grown man in front of his kids to shut-up during Gladiator (after numerous shhh's) and then being don't by that man "shut-up or I'll dot you" back (I still don't know what "dot" means but it sounds bad and was quite effective).

Anyways...back to the point...on Friday I'd secured two free passes to Hoyts La Premiere. Basically for the povo's out there it's high class movie going. It's like the Big Brother rewards room of movie going. You have a chill-out pre-movie pre-snack bar arrangement where you can watch TV, eat as much pop-corn as you can and drink as much softdrink as you can before going into the movie.

When we in the line for the free softdrink re-fills the "couple" behind us starting get on my nerves. The girl (aka Slutface) commented - "Let's get two drinks - they're free". The guy (aka Cooder) said "Stop it baby, your embarrasing me". She then said "Next time I'll bring a bucket". Anyways, I had a laugh - thought internally how glad I am that I'm not them and went in to the movie. You guessed it - they were sitting next to us.

Loaded to the shithouse with free drink and pop-corn the movie was barely started before Cooder had to leave at fill up on more pop-corn while Slutface demolised the free purse of snack treats. When Cooder came back she decided that she'd get up in the middle of the movie and go to Bi-Lo and get a strawberry Fruiche. Hey - when the moment takes you...

Cooder and Slutface continued to talk enlessly during the movie. All the sub-plot and comic book references sailed well above their dull lifeless foreskulls. I've never know anymore russle a Bi-Lo plastic shopping bag so loudly that it actually drowns out the movie. All this was annoying - but the final cherry came 3/4 into the movie.

Not content with the comfortable chairs in the La Fuckyourselfpublic section Cooder decided to slip his Dunlop Volley's off and air the old dog's off in public. Hey, I'm a reasonable man - I've been known to slip my shoes off at the movies before to give the old toes a stretch. Cooder, however raised it up a notch - slipping not only the volley's off but his socks to match. He then proceeded to hoist his flakey, stinking skin satchels onto the rail in front of us.

Ladies and Gentlemen - I plead with you - reverse the anti-gun laws if need be.

Be-ware the Carnie folk - they are a danger in today's society. If by some miracle you have power in the house your squatting in Cooder and you can fumble your way around a computer and found this webpage I say...here's to you...sucking my dick!. Photo of potential couple:


Anonymous Hoyts Highpoint said...

Well I can remember a certain blogger being refused entry into the cinema for not wearing shoes. That's right bare feet. At least the carnies wore shoes.

1:26 pm  

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